The One With all the Bruce

January.
The month of snow storms and below freezing temperatures. The month of snow shoeing and Sunday Football. The month of staying in and sunny afternoons. The month of baking cookies without baking soda and giving the cats a bath. The month of Bruce Springsteen songs and family birthdays. My sister and father’s both. Bethany, January 15th and my father, January 25th.
January reminds me of them. The sound of harmonicas and the beginning of longer, lighter days. I was at a loss of what to listen to the other night, nothing seemed to fit what I was wanting to hear. Except him.
I had not listened to him in a long time. I go through phases, just like seasons go through the year. Like the moon waxes and wanes. He came to me in a dream and said listen, it is time.
The yellow walls of my Michigan home needed to hear what his voice sounded like.
What his guitar strings felt like when they were strummed just the right way.

Bruce. Springsteen. My sisters and I were raised on his records and have continued to listen to him to this day. How could we not? Our father was born in New Jersey, and when his family moved to upstate New York, he brought Bruce with him. Growing up and throughout my high school years, I listened to him on end. My father gave me his old record player and gave me the freedom to introduce myself to Bruce’s early work; becoming familiar with live shows and who was who in the E Street Band. Every other year we would buy his new CD and learn the whole album through while cleaning up in the bathroom at night. We always had a working CD player in the bathroom. I loved that about our house.
Bruce is home to me. Our house has a powder-covered old record smell to it and reminds me of his music. When I walk through the red doors of our Cherry Valley house, I can hear a Bruce song playing in the background. Even if one isn’t.
I know I will hear one soon.

Last Christmas, Beth asked our family to write down our top 10, all-time, favorite Bruce songs. She told us to write the reason for why we chose that song and the story behind it for us. I was living in Florida at the time, a new environment for listening to Bruce in, and I pushed the assignment further and further away. I had not listened to Bruce since moving to the Keys and was scared I had forgotten all of his great masterpieces. And then one day I sat down at my computer desk and started brainstorming, started pulling back the cobwebs of my mind that hid the magic of his music. Bruce never leaves me, no matter how long I go for without listening to him. I soon began to write down songs that came back to me in a solid wave. That in some way impacted my life and made it better. Songs that made me understand the impact music can have upon you.
Once you realize the magic, you are under the spell. Forever.

The package arrived at my apartment doorstep a few days before Christmas. Sitting by our purple themed Christmas tree I cut the package open, pulling out five CDs. One for my father, one for my mother, one for Celia, one for Bethany, and one for me. Each CD had a different colored case and a different title.
This Train, Crossing Paths, Sunny Snowstorm, 356, Run You Little Wild Heart.

Under the CDs was a folder collaged with pictures of me, my father, the ocean, greeting cards I had sent to Beth all cut up and angled to fit on the folder. It was the album cover of my life. In the pockets of the folder were the lists of all of our songs. The stories behind them and a collection of the music we loved so much.
It was one of the most sincere and beautiful Christmas presents I had ever received. My first Christmas away from home and I couldn’t help but feel more connected to my family through the sound of one man’s voice.
I cried when I played my cd; I cried when I played all of them. In the soft twinkling glow of Christmas lights, I danced as the magic took me over.
And for a second I believed I was dancing in our upstairs bathroom, and that any moment my father would be knocking on the door, letting me know my bath time was up.

Run, You Little Wild Heart

1.) “Ain’t Got You” Tunnel of Love, 1987
Reminds me of Beth; she loved this song, knew all the lyrics. Reminds me of listening to the Tunnel of Love album in the bathroom on nights after Varsity Soccer practice, and that no matter what you have or don’t have, all you need is love. Forget the diamonds. All I want is you.
2.) “Easy Money” Wrecking Ball, 2012
You know you are in the right place at the right time when one Thursday afternoon in the fall semester at St. Lawrence, when you are stressing over trying to finish a midterm paper, all of a sudden, this song comes blaring from one of the dorm rooms close by. I could have cried to hear something that familiar. Best song to get ready to by far; when you are itching to wear high heels and get out on the town. Drink a glass of red wine while you listen. It always goes down smooth.
3.) “Girls in Their Summer Clothes” Magic, 2007
I am twirling, spinning, wearing a yellow tutu, flowers thrown throughout my hair, glitter around my eyes, long blonde strands of hair fall down my back. I am an angel, a fairy, a dream. This song is a dream I once had on a summer’s night. I think I’m still dreaming it.
4.) “I’m Goin’ Down” Born in the U.S.A., 1985
There’s just something about this song that I like. It always raises my spirit, despite its downward message. Oddly enough it makes my heart soar. My spirit fly. Thanks Bruce.
5.) “Incident on 57th Street” The Wild, the Innocent & the E Street Shuffle, 1973
5th song on my favorite Bruce album, might as well make it the 5th song on my own. The piano intro can make my heart stop beating, my lungs stop breathing, bring tears to my eyes. Any song that can make me cry is one of my favorites. This is one of the few.
6.) “She’s the One” (Live at Hammersmith, Odeon London, 1975)
If I was born in 1959 I would have been at this show. I would have been the one dancing in the front row, the woman who whistles and screams out over all the others. I would have followed the band backstage; drink some beers, smoke with Clarence, jump on the couches, get Stevie to sign my arm. I would have been that one; the one they sing about in this song.

7.) “The Price You Pay” The River, 1980
Dark nights, my image of the West, a river, youth, mystery; it is all there. Beth driving away, leaving after another summer of being home; a little girl standing alone, looking for the Promised Land. Some of my favorite Bruce lyrics. All of them would make a great story.
8.) “Tougher than the Rest” Tunnel of Love, 1988
My first memory of a Bruce song. I can still remember dancing with my father to it in the dinning room after he finished the dishes one night. That was way back when I thought it was Bruce Springspring. That was a long time ago, the beginning of it all; when the magic was being made. In my mind nobody can be tougher than him…my father that is.
9.) “All I’m Thinking About” Devils and Dust, 2005
When all I could think about was when I would start thinking about somebody worth thinking about this much. True love; where was it? Would I find it? Reminds me of making chocolate chip cookies on winter days in my mother’s kitchen. I once played this song on repeat for hours. It never gets old. It keeps me thinking.
10.) “Land of Hope and Dreams” Wrecking Ball, 2012
Bring your ticket and your suitcase, thunders rolling down this track. You don’t know where you’re going now, but you know you won’t be back. The theory of my life. We are all gypsies, hobos, sinners, travelers. We are all looking for that train to catch. I still am.
11.) “My City of Ruins” The Rising, 2002
If I were to have a song that describes my religion, this is it. With these hands we rise up, so come on rise up, rise up, rise up…

Bonus Tracks
12.) “Thundercrack” Tracks, 1998
One hell of a long song; it runs a little over 9 minutes. The first time I heard it I never wanted it to end. I dance to the whole thing every time, never giving out; there’s always a little more left to you than you think. Ever wonder why the bathroom floor would shake Mom? It is this song’s fault.
13.) “New York City Serenade” The Wild, the Innocent & the E Street Shuffle, 1973
The perfect ending. The song I would always end on, leave to, play the night before I left home to go anywhere again. France, college, Hawaii, India, Lake Placid, Florida, Michigan, bed. My favorite song of all time. I couldn’t quite tell you why. It’s the way it makes me feel; safe, found, full, loved. Play it at my funeral. As the whole congregation is walking out. Don’t forget.

It is when I get to ride to church in my father’s 1972 yellow Chevy van and he asks me what CD I want to listen to. I know he means Bruce. It is when Beth and I are driving cross country and the only thing that sounds good in Indiana is Bruce. When I’m at a brewery in Detroit and a Bruce song comes on and I’m the only girl in the tap room singing. When somebody asks me if I like Bruce and I say I love him. I’ve been to four of his concerts, two were front row, one he put a pick in my hand. It’s like I know the guy and he knows me. When just the look of his name in a magazine can make me feel better; feel a little closer to my father and Beth and home. When you know that the day he dies, a piece of you will die too. But I know he is going to live forever. Because he is magic and magic never dies. It only comes a little more alive.