Dear Self

Dear Self,

I’m glad you did it. 

I’m glad you left when you did. 

I’m glad you didn’t stick around. 

I’m glad you moved out, even when that house was more yours than his.

I’m glad you left the cats, even when they were there for you and he wasn’t.

I’m glad you took everything and left the couch.   

I’m glad you got a new address.

I’m glad you got a new phone number.

I’m glad none of your old numbers saved and you couldn’t cry to your girlfriends about what to do.

I’m glad you knew your own answer.  All by your lonesome.

I’m glad you pushed through.  Even when you didn’t want to. 

Even when you bounced from couch to couch and couldn’t sleep for weeks.

I’m glad you kept smiling when people walked past you at work and had no idea what was going on inside your head.  Inside your life. 

I’m glad you didn’t let them down. 

I’m glad you continued to smile. 

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Dear Self,

I’m proud of you. 

I’m proud of you for packing yourself up and getting yourself out. 

I’m proud of you for not crying.

For not feeling sad.  For not regretting anything. 

Even if that means you are viewed as a slut or a whore or a cheater in people’s eyes.

Even your own family’s.

I’m proud of you for pushing past the labels, the judgements, the rumors.  

For letting go of what no longer serves you.  Who no longer serves you. 

I’m proud of you for feeling relieved-

Like you aren’t trying to hide from something anymore.

Like a weight has been lifted off your chest. 

I’m proud of you for waking up in a new apartment. 

For hanging your art on its bare walls, for sitting down at your desk and picking up where you left off. 

I’m proud of you for not moving yourself away, but opening yourself back up.

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Dear Self,

I’m happy you are here and not there. 

There would have never worked out and here is where you always wanted to be.

I’m happy you didn’t run, but walked to the finish line. 

You are always running.  Away from things mostly.

But this time you walked to where you wanted to go. 

You took it all in.  You processed.  You decided. 

Now here you are. 

On the other side of it all. 

The place you wrote about in all of your poems and essays and stories of where you would be some day. 

That place where you are now.

I’m happy you are here. I have no intention of letting you go.

I’m holding your hand all the way to the end.  

Through all of your other chapters.  All of your phases.

So that if you ever question your life again, you’ll be glad you did it.

Whatever that is. 

You’ll be glad and nothing more.